M274 Ultra-Light All-Terrain Vehicle
The Mongoose is a very fast car vehicle that is basically a broken Warthog converted into a crappy, working 4-Wheeled RTV, but its uses are limited because it has no weapons. WAIT, NO WEAPONS!?!?!?! Yes, even though it is deployed in a war zone, it has no offensive weapons. The only armor on the vehicle is its windshield that doesn't really work, as NOBODY aims for a little windshield. ?]] Mongooses In Battle Since Mongi (???) have no guns, it is pretty much pointless to take them anywhere without somebody on the back seat. The vehicle overall is more dangerous to the people alcoholics driving, than the ones being attacked by it. The back seat of the Mongoose is pretty much a handlebar with grease spilled on it. And so falling off is really easy to do. Despite having no guns/armor, it can go pretty fast and can evade bad situations fairly well. Ironically, it is one of the fastest human vehicles, but running people over with it does about as much as stepping on their foot. Your best chance with the Mongoose is to just honk the horn, until the other people kill themselves. An alternative, but somewhat basic strategy, is to turn the Mongoose into a piloted Kamikazi. This is done by getting someone to throw a Plasma Grenade on the driver, and making the driver drive into somebody, killing them both. Incredibly stupid and pointless, but effective as well. While driving a Mongoose, driving over a small bump the size of a nickel or performing a slight drift/turn will cause it to flip or spin violently out of control. You and your comrade will have to get out, flip it back over, and get back on, which is done about 4-6 times during an average trip. Of course, there is an 89.97% chance that you will be killed by someone who has chosen a much more effective vehicle, such as the Big Ugly Piglet, by the first flip-over. Pros -Quick to drive in an emergency -Small enough to be more wieldly than other vehicles, such as the Coal Sucker, when in tunnels Cons -Gays out when touched by AIDZ Popcornz -Will flip over at ANYTHING. Turns, shots, attempted drifting, bumps in the road which you could simply RIDE over in a bigger vehicle, you name it. -Can only carry two people at once, as opposed to other vehicles which can carry more AND have better offensive/defensive traits. -The horn- it's appropriate to the vehicle, I guess, but it still sounds like something you'd find on a 3-year-old's toy car. Speed comparison *Ghost Vs. Mongoose - Mongoose outruns unless the Ghost uses Gruntiness *Elephant Vs Mongoose - Why the fuck do i even type this? MONGOOSE WINS! *Wraith Vs. Mongoose - Do I even need to write this?! *Brute chopper Vs. Mongoose - Mongoose outraces Chopper to the book store (?) Gruntiness Outlet Express. *Prowler Vs. Mongoose - Mongoose wins (lol yay) *sonic vs Mongoose - why do I say this? the mongoose no duh? MONGOOSES ARE FASTER THAN HEDGEHOGS! *Banshee Vs. Mongoose - Banshee uses Gruntiness and easily outraces it *Warthog Vs. Mongoose - Mongoose wins, as long as the Warthog doesn't have Halo 1 physics, because it will run over everything. *Scorpion Tank Vs. Mongoose - Mongoose wins, but then gets T-Bagged by the Scorpion :( (How you ask have you heard of Forge?) *Mongoose Vs. Mongoose - WTF!? Whoever has MC (Chuck Norris) or a Grunt corpse will outrun. *Frigate Vs. Mongoose - WTF!!? Lets think...Hmmmm...the Frigate wins! OMFG, so suprising!!! *Pelican Vs. Ahh...fuck this pointless typing - Pelican FTW. *Dead guy Vs. Mongoose: Mongoose flips, falls off cliff, and dies. *Living guy vs. Mongoose: Same result as above. *Michael Jackson Vs. Mongoose: Mongoose turns tail and runs before being destroyed. *Mongoose vs. anything: Mongoose loses. *Result: Mongeese are fast, but lots of things are faster & everything is more ass-kickier. Habitat According to *Cough* Experts *Cough*, Mongeese are commonly found in the wild parking lot. They are made when two Warthogs get together and make a..umm...Baby!? Usually a normal Warthog ('normal' defined as having a Gauss gun, chain-gun, or rockets mounted) results, but in rare cases, either a troop-carrier Warthog come out or a Mongoose. The Mongooses, at age 12 turn emo and drive far away to cut themselves with an energy sword. At age 14, they are taken by UNSC Marines for use in battle (almost certain death). As a result, Mongeese are very vicious little things,and tend to bite. It normally takes 5 to 10 Marines to restrain one and give it the knockout dart. The casualties tend to be very high for Marines as the Mongoose has a friend. The friend is the Elephant. It is a huge-ass animal,and once the Mongoose sees it's mate, it will zoom into the cargo bay and hitch a ride. When the Mongoose is in the bay, it will start throwing fried chicken (or bullets or explosives, depending on what is lying around)at the Marines. That is the reason why there are so many Marine casualties (that and the casualties that have been tea-bagged by the over-exited Elephant. Also, Marines kinda REALLY suck at dealing with Elephants. Category:Vehicles Category:Things that kick ass Category:Things you should use for intercourse